1 : Across the Border
The past is a foreign country. They
do things differently there.
In the past there is a Clark who
arrives late at school and bumps shoulders with friends after having run
through the corn and leapt over the school bus.
At night, he watches constellations
and princesses through his telescope.
He rescues people.
In the past there is a Clark who
believes he can protect his friends.
This, however, is the present, and
Clark has crossed the border and lost his passport.
³The Ross family would like to thank
you all for your support and sympathy.² Itıs a well modulated, professional
voice that ends the service Clark canıt even remember hearing.
Pete would have called it creepy,
and Clark silently agrees with the memory of his friend, as he listens to feet
shuffling and pews creaking.
³The funeral procession will be
leaving in ten minutes. All friends of the family are invited to join.²
³Honey, itıs time to go now.²
His motherıs weight on his arm is
negligible as she leans in close, but the weight of her words in his ear is
enough to make standing difficult, and he grips the back of the pew heıs been
sitting on to help lever himself up into the empty air. She guides his other
hand to the pew in front, and he shuffles along keeping a grip on each, and
then they end.
He stops, heart beating fast.
His mother squeezes around him and
takes his hand to guide him into the boiling throng leaving the church. People
shift unpredictably, impatient to get around the slow-moving, and perhaps
slow-witted, Kent boy.
Such a shame.
They were such good friends.
He was there you know.
Well, at least he didnıt have to
see it. Not much left youıd recognize.
Oh, is that why they had the
closed casket?
He slides his feet along the
polished wood of the church floor and grips his motherıs right elbow.
Gently.
Heıs bruised the other one already.
There are no stars to look at, and
he canıt see the princess.
He canıt do anything about the
smoothly finished box or the scent of decay that hovers under the cacophony of
perfume provided by the flowers.
He canıt even carry the box, because
he still canıt tell. Canıt show. Canıt give it away.
His precious secret.
The wood floor gives way to stone,
and Clark feels the heat of the sun on his face, and he remembers the feel of
sun-warmed metal under his palms when he stopped the old convertible.
Pete, we have to talk.
³Iım going to go and pay my respects
to Peteıs family.² His mom speaks as she gently transfers his hand from her
smooth cotton-covered elbow to the polyester arm of his fatherıs best suit.
³Why donıt you go on to the car with your father.²
Because they really donıt need him
breaking down and going foetal on them here in public, do they?
³Sure, Mom.² He nods in her general
direction, although she might not have seen since her heels are already
clicking against stone and moving in the direction of a cloud of murmured
sympathies that Clark knows are surrounding Peteıs mom.
³Thereıs a step here, Son.²
His father warns him a moment too
late, and he stumbles.
Shoes sliding on stone.
Going down.
Into strong waiting arms.
³Hey,² Itıs half greeting and half exclamation,
and the breath is sweet on Clarkıs face, and there is the scent of something
exotic.
Lex.
³Thank you, Lex, but Iıve got him
now.² Polyester replaces wool.
³Of course, Mr. Kent.²
But Clark doesnıt want to let go
yet.
³Dad, why donıt you go say good-bye
to Mrs. Ross? I can wait here with Lex.²
³Well²
³Really, Dad. Iım fine.²
³Iıll be happy to wait here with
Clark, Mr. Kent.²
His father shifts and fidgets for a
moment before finally releasing his hold. ³Iıll be right back.²
³Sure, Dad.²
There is a moment of silence, and
Clark keeps his hands from reaching out into the air, but it is strange to
stand on his own feet here with nothing to see and no one to guide him.
³Lex?²
³Iım sorry about Pete.² Lexıs voice
is quiet, and there is something at the end of the sentence. A faint rise in
tone. An insecurity.
³Whatıs wrong, Lex?²
³I²
And he thinks Lex is going to say, I
thought you would save him.
But instead, ³Iım going to have to
let Gabe Sullivan go.²
³What? Why?²
He thinks of the sound of Chloeıs
tears.
³I canıt protect him.² Clark isnıt
sure Lex meant to say that out loud. ³My father assumes that Gabe was the one
who told me Dad wasnıt exactly confident in my return to health. Heıs out for
blood.²
³You didnıt tell him it was me?²
³I couldnıt.²
It was like hearing bones snap, only
Lex didnıt know enough to scream for help. Or maybe he thought Clark would run.
³Lex, this is just like before. Heıs
trying to separate you from everyone whoıs loyal to you. Youıre playing right
into his hands!²
³I donıt remember beforeı, Clark.²
Itıs a vicious, hopeless whisper, like a metal splinter piercing a lung.
³So let me remember for you.² Clark
puts all his strength into his voice. ³I can tell you, Lex. Anything you want
to know. Anything.²
Across the silence comes the
staccato tap of his motherıs heels.
³Clark, your father is bringing the
car around.² A hand on his elbow pulling him away. ³Thanks, Lex, for staying
with him.²
Clark waits.
³Honey, please²
³I almost forgot, Clark. I meant to
give this to you.² A smooth hand takes his and long fingers flatten his palm
with a warm piece of plastic. ³I know itıs not easy for you to visit the
mansion now. I donıt want to lose touch.²
Clark closes his hand gently around
the cell phone.
³Call me, Lex. Anytime.²
³Thanks, Clark. I will.²
This is the present. Clark is
different here.
I woke this morning with that shadow feeling Iıd
been dreaming
significant dreams-
Strong and powerful,
Richly full of meaning.
At 5:00 PM on the dot, Lex walked into his fatherıs
office. He didnıt wait to be announced. It was one of the little tit-for-tat
habits that they both indulged in.
³Here are the reports on Veridyne
and BioDex, Dad.²
Lionel looked up from his desk with
a slight smile that said he was amused that Lex thought the whole
entering-without-knocking strategy would throw Lionel even slightly off his
game.
He didnıt reach for the reports,
however, but slipped into a puzzled frown as he looked at the papers in Lexıs
hand.
Lionel had asked for them. Lex was
certain. He remembered the glare of the 2:00 PM sun coming in through his fatherıs office
windows and the smell of the roses that had been sitting on his fatherıs desk.
³Reports, Lex?²
³Yes, the market reports you asked
me to put together for you when I was here this afternoon.²
There werenıt roses on Lionelıs desk
now.
There were lilies.
³Ah, yes, the reports. Of course.²
Lionel wiped the puzzled frown from his face and gave his son a hearty smile as
he took the reports. It was a smile Lex was seeing more and more often since
heıd returned to work.
The first time heıd ever seen it had
been when heıd held a gun on his father after having been rescued from the
island.
Why would I want you dead, Lex?
Louis had taught Lex that killing
someone provided the ultimate control over them. Lex had realized that it was
also the last expression of control. You couldnıt bring them back.
Generally couldnıt, anyway.
Lionel put the sheaf of papers to
one side and looked at Lex expectantly.
³Did you need something else, Son?²
³You asked for the reports by COB today, Dad. Do you want to discuss
my findings?² Lex asked. ³Are you even going to read them?²
Lionelıs eyes held a shadow of
worry. Just a hint. ³Certainly, we can discuss them. Refresh my memory on
exactly what weıre looking at.²
His father was a consummate actor.
He had to be acting.
³If you donıt want to discuss the
acquisition prospects now, just say so.² Lex resisted the urge to storm out of
the room. It would accomplish nothing. He ground his teeth instead. ³Unless of
course this assignment is the paperwork equivalent of sharpening pencils all
day. I was under the impression we were trying to get past that, Dad.²
³I was under the impression you were
going to fire that rumour-spreading manager of yours.² Lionel leaned back in
his chair and balanced his chin on steepled fingers. ³Or did you forget?²
Heat shot up Lexıs spine, and he
started to sweat. He smelled the ocean and tasted rubber in his mouth.
³I didnıt forget, Dad. Merely
reconsidered. Gabe is an excellent manager. I spoke to him, and he didnıt know
anything about the rumours.²
³And you believed him?² Lionel
managed to sound both amused and incredulous. ³Iım surprised, Lex. Especially
after the questionable accounting we uncovered after your return from the
island.²
³What² Lex cut himself off. He
didnıt remember any accounting anomalies. He remembered Gabe sitting down with
him and going over the books. He remembered being grateful that Gabe had kept
things going so that there was something to come back to.
Lionel shook his head pityingly and
sighed.
³You donıt remember do you?²
³Thereıs nothing to remember. That
didnıt happen.²
³You can check the books, Lex.²
Which Lionel could have had altered.
³I donıt need to check. Gabe
Sullivan has my complete confidence.²
³Why would you trust someone who
obviously is trying to drive you away from your family?² Lionel stood and
walked out from behind his desk. The sun came in through the windows and made a
halo of hair.
Like everything about Lionel Luthor,
the image was misleading on many, many levels.
Lionel grasped Lex by both
shoulders. ³Lex, we canıt ignore these memory problems. I refused to deal with
the signs of you slipping away once before, and look what happened? Lana Lang:
hurt. Your friend Clark Kent: hiding you like a criminal. I canıt allow that to
happen again.²
Lex didnıt answer. Didnıt move.
Somewhere, sometime, he had learned that this was the only control he had
around father.
³There are treatments Iıve been
looking into. Ways to stimulate memory. To unlock the secrets that our own
minds try to keep from us.² Lionel smiled with kind lying eyes. ³Let me help
you, son.²
There was no control complete enough
that it couldnıt be ripped away.
³Iıll think about it, Dad.²
³You had some fascinating research
projects in progress prior to your breakdown, Lex. Iıd truly like to see you
get back to them.²
Research? Secrets? Those two words
called up a host of memories: visions of cars ripped apart, computer simulations,
arson analyses, symbols on cave walls.
³I said I would think about it,
Dad.²
He turned and walked out. Lex strode
smoothly, quickly, past his office to the elevators. He stood quietly in the
elevator all the way down to the parking garage. He got into the Porsche.
In the car he allowed himself one
slam of his hands on the steering wheel before peeling out and racing for home.
For Smallville.
He found himself parked in front of
the Talon with only a hazy memory of the drive from Metropolis. Two hours.
Three? Another blank in his life.
Lex swallowed and braced himself. It
wasnıt the same. This was just that heıd been preoccupied. It wasnıt anything
different from what might have happened before.
There was a knock on the window, and
swinging dark hair brushed over his side mirror. Dark eyes full of concern
watched him and soft lips moved.
³Lex?²
He looked up, smiled quickly, and
moved to get out of the car.
The day was normal. This was normal.
He was normal.
He had to be.
³Hello, Lana. I didnıt know you were
back to work.²
³Iım not really. Iım just dropping
in to see how things are going.²
They walked into the Talon together.
Lana was still limping, though it was better than it had been last time heıd
seen her.
The smell of coffee and the noise of
teenagers enveloped Lex, and he found himself looking around for Clark.
³Itıs strange, isnıt it?² Lana was
looking around the room as well. She blinked and pressed her lips together.
³But things change.²
Lex pulled himself together.
³What do you mean?²
³Come on, Iıll get you an espresso,²
she said without answering him. ³I think we can stand the owner a drink.²
He followed her to the bar and sat
down as she waved one of the servers over and gave her order. Lex felt naked on
his left side because Clark should be sitting there. He should be making eyes
at Lana and brushing inappropriately close to Lexıs shoulder as he reached for
his grande mocha that should be sitting there with their drinks. But it wasnıt.
He wasnıt.
³You know he hasnıt been off the
farm since Peteıs funeral?² Lana said to the foam on her cappuccino.
Lex didnıt need to ask who she
meant.
³No.² I havenıt visited; I
havenıt called. ³I
didnıt know.²
³The teachers at school are starting
to wonder whatıs going on. Theyıre talking about calling social services.²
Lex paused with his espresso half
way to his lips. ³How do you know?²
Lana shook her head. ³Remember where
weıre living, Lex. If the Kents werenıt who they are, a teacher would have
called in child protection services already.²
Lex snorted at the idea of someone
needing to protect six-foot-four Clark. Of course things had changed for Clark
now. Still Lex couldnıt imagine it.
³Theyıve always kept to themselves;
and Clark, well, even before Pete died, Clark was pushing everyone away.²
³I donıt² remember that. ³think thatıs true.² Lex thought
of his homecoming. He could almost feel Clarkıs arms around him now.
No.
Clark hadnıt pushed everyone away,
but he did have secrets.
³Last summer changed him, Lex.² Lana
glanced at Lex and blushed, remembering that Clark wasnıt the only one who had
been changed that summer. ³He just wonıt open up to anyone. Especially now that
Peteıs gone.²
Lex remembered seeing fear in
Clarkıs eyes.
And then Clark was gone.
³Heıs been through a lot,
Lana.²
She nodded. ³Anyway, I wanted to say
that I thought your idea of calling in a specialist is a good one, but I donıt
think the Kents will go for it.²
Lex stared at her. ³What idea was
this?²
Lana frowned, a tiny line appearing
between her eyebrows. ³The one you emailed me about last night.²
No.
He hadnıt.
Heıd remember.
He would.
³Lex?²
³I- Iıll take your advice into
consideration.²
Lana smiled. ³Good. You know, Clark
is really lucky to have a friend like you, Lex.²
³And you.²
Lanaıs blush was expected, but her
frown wasnıt. ³Lex, Clark and I well, things are different now.²
³Because heıs blind? I didnıt think
you were that shallow, Lana.²
³It has nothing to do with that.²
Lana shook her head. ³I think it would have been the same even if heıd gotten
his sight back. Weıve just grown apart. I donıt need him the way I used to, and
heıs turned down every offer Iıve made to help him keep up with school. Itıs
like he just doesnıt care anymore.²
That didnıt sound like Clark. Maybe
he should consider having someone come in to see Clark. Apparently heıd already
made the suggestion. Or someone had. Or Lana was lying.
Everyone could be lying.
He looked around the room at the
kids meeting to do homework and the couples out on dates. Several looked back.
How many of them had he forgotten? How many of them knew more about his life
these last few months than he did? How many were working for his father?
³Lex?²
Lana was looking concerned again,
and he could understand that. It was quite reasonable. Lex stood up. His heart
was going a mile a minute. He was starting to sweat, and everyone would notice
his fear if he stayed here any longer.
³I need to go. Iıll see you later,
Lana.²
³Lex?²
She looked concerned. Just like his
father had looked this afternoon.
³Iım fine, but I have some calls I
have to make. Iıll let you know what happens with Clark.²
She smiled. It was nothing like
Lionelıs smile.
³Okay, drive carefully.²
He gave a quick nod and headed out
to his car. It was just where he remembered leaving it.
Thank God.
Lex didnıt drink Scotch anymore. He
wasnıt sure why. He just didnıt like the taste. Instead he stopped and bought a
bottle of vodka on the way home.
He felt odd walking up to his room
with a bottle in a brown paper bag.
³Will you be needing anything else,
sir?² Davis asked from the shadows outside his room. Davis was new.
His father had insisted on a whole
new staff.
³No, Davis. You can turn in for the
night.²
³Thank you, sir.²
Davis was tall and had a much better
physique than Lex usually saw on household staff. Lex watched him retreat into
a room just a few doors down. Live-in staff: another of his fatherıs safety
measures.
Lex shook his head and went into his
room. He needed to get control back. He needed to be sure of himself.
A hot shower, three shots of vodka,
and then, perhaps, he could sleep without dreaming. As he undressed, he emptied
his pockets onto the dresser. Methodically going over each item, remembering to
himself where heıd acquired them, when heıd used them, and why heıd thought to
carry them with him today.
The last thing he pulled out was his
cell phone.
It was exactly the same as the phone
heıd given Clark. That had been a spur of the moment decision. He hadnıt even
had a chance to move his phone book over. Still, it had been a week, and he
hadnıt called.
³Iıll tell you anything you want
to know, Lex.²
He didnıt want to test the promise.
He put the phone on the bedside table and went to take his shower.
There were flames in primary
yellow and red and the world splitting in two. Lex ran as flames oozed towards
him. Shadowy figures were everywhere he turned, and the flames did not
illuminate them so much as splash them with colour.
³Lex! Youıre sabotaging my
efforts to get you released.²
He looked back and his father
stood there, smiling, arms wide with bumblebee-yellow and blood-red flames
dripping his legs like gravity-defying finger paint. ³You were making such good
progress, Son.²
Lex turned away, and now there
was a fence, but heıd been taught to attack adversity head-on.
³Son!²
Lex leapt. Steel bit into his
hands as he climbed.
³You know I have your best
interests at heart, donıt you?²
He didnıt look back.
Cold steel and the taste of
rubber.
³You think I want to see you like
this, Son?²
Blood dripped down his hands and
turned into flame.
He screamed.
³Lex!²
He looked up, and there was
Clark, floating above the barbed wire, holing out his hands.
³Clark! I knew youıd come!²
Clark was smiling, reaching
So strong, so fast, so
³Youıre not even human.²
So afraid.
That fear was the last thing Lex
saw before the flames of his blood crawled up his wrists and swallowed Clark
whole.
Lex tried to scream, but there
was rubber in his mouth and straps around his head and his fatherıs voice in
his ear.
³Iım sorry, son, but we have to
amputate.²
Lex opened his eyes to blackness.
Something was in his mouth, and he fought it, punching into the softness,
ripping at it with his teeth.
Soft.
A pillow.
His pillow.
His room.
He reached over to the bedside table
desperate for the light, and a plastic rectangle was under his hand instead. He
must have hit a button, because the screen lit, the only thing he could see in
the room. It was his cell phone.
Clark.
He hit speed dial 1 and barely had
time to realize he was calling at two in the morning, when he heard Clarkıs
voice.
³Lex?²
³Hey, Clark. How did you know it was
me?²
³No one else has this number,
Lex. Who else would it be?²
³Iım sorry I woke you.²
³Thatıs okay. I sleep too much
lately anyway.²
³Ah.²
He didnıt know what else to say.
³Whatıs up, Lex?²
³Nothing much.²
Why had he called? What could he say
that wouldnıt be ridiculous? I think my father is trying to drive me crazy.
Who would believe that?
³Are you ready to ask me
questions?²
³Questions?²
³You know, about before.² Clarkıs voice was so soft. ³Iıll
tell you anything you want to know.²
How long had Lex waited to hear
those words? Had he heard them before and forgotten? Would he forget whatever
Clark told him tonight? Maybe he didnıt want to know.
³I was having a bad dream. My father
kept saying he had my best interests at heart. But I donıt²
³You donıt believe him, do you? You
shouldnıt, Lex! He doesnıt think of anyoneıs best interests but his own.²
Clark was practically growling, and
Lex felt suddenly warmer.
³And Iım not so sure he has a
heart.²
Lex laughed. ³Is that a medical
diagnosis, Clark?²
Suddenly the dark was less
oppressive. Lex reached out and flicked on the lamp, the dream already
beginning to fade.
³So, the dream was pretty bad, huh?²
³About par for the course,
actually.²
³Geez, Lex.²
³The dreams wouldnıt be so bad ifif
I could justI seem to be having trouble remembering things, Clark.²
³What kind of things?²
³My dad asks for reports, and when I
take them in; he says he never asked for them; Lana gets e-mails from me that I
donıt remember sending. Every time I ask my father what happened in Belle Reve,
itıs different, and I donıt know if heıs telling me something differently or if
Iım just remembering wrong.²
³Donıt listen to him, Lex.²
³He wants me to see a specialist.
Someone to help find the secrets hidden in my mind, he says.²
³Secrets? What secrets?²
³I donıt know.²
³Lex, donıt trust him. Iıll tell
you. Iıll tell you exactly what happened. And it will be the same every time I
tell you.²
³Every time?²
³I promise.²
³I Let me think about it, Clark.²
³Okay. Just call me when you decide,
Lex. Anytime, okay? Thatıs why you gave me the phone right? Thatıs what itıs
for. Call me.²
³I will, Clark.² Lex took a deep
breath and leaned back on his pillows. ³You should get back to sleep. Iım sorry
I woke you.²
³No problem. Not like I was doing anything
special.²
³Do you need anything, Clark? Is
there anything I can do?²
³Nah, Iım good. Better than good,
now that youıve called.²
³Youıre sure?² Clark did sound good.
He sounded happy.
³Trust me, Lex. Everythingıs good.²
Lex nodded to
himself. Clark was good. Everything was good. ³Okay, Iıll talk to you later.
Get some sleep.²
³You, too, Lex.²
³Bye.²
³Bye.²
He hit the endı button on the phone
and put it back on the table. The room was quiet, and for the first time in a
long while, his mind was as well.
Lex fell asleep making plans for the
next day.
